Saturday 25 July 2015

I'm Not Good With Introductions

Hello, Internet.

Let me just warn you right now that I'm suckish at introductions. I'm sitting here in front of my laptop listening to Flo Rida [I CRYYYYYYY JUST A LITTLE WHEN I THINK OF LETTING GO] and I literally have no idea what to say.

Everyone calls me Kitty Cat. I'm a teenager. I'm British, born and raised, but I'm a proud Desi girl. My squad is basically Wattpad, Spotify, Nutella and Pinterest. I have friends. I'd do anything for them. I have a general aversion to abbreviations of any kind. I'm a little bit broken, but mostly just bent. And I can learn to love again. Music is my life, writing is my love. I dance. I sing.

Ummm... Yeah.

I have my phases. I'm slightly bipolar, ADHD, and hella passive-aggressive. And most of the time, I'm just trying to figure myself out. I figured writing this blog would help. And, well, here I am.

I seriously can't figure how all those bloggers sound so peppy and fabulous. Peppy and fabulous isn't very teenagery. It's not very me, either. Then again, I don't really know who 'me' is.

I keep hoping that I'll have this epiphany or an existential crisis or something and suddenly realize who I am and what I want to be and go about my life a centred and driven young woman, but I'm 99.9% sure that only happens in the movies.
 
The thing is, whenever someone asks what I want to do with my life, I always tell them I don't know. Only, I do know, but it's not the answer they want to hear, so I don't tell them.
 
I want to be an author. I want to go to Oxford University or NYU and major in literature. I'll probably get a side job tutoring French (which I am ace at, by the way) or English ('cause I'll have a degree by then) to pay the bills. Either that, or I'll become a nanny. An au pair. I love kids. I don't believe in arranged marriage, so I'll get married to whoever I want whenever I want. And just to rub it in all those stereotypical tradition-following Desi aunties' faces, I'll probably have a Christian wedding. [I'm not a Christian, but I think their weddings rock. It makes my heart smile when someone says yes to the dress. Shoutout to you if you're a Christian. And shoutout to your weddings too.] I'll maybe get a roommate to help with the rent if I need to. Also, I quite like the idea of living with someone else. I'm hoping I'll get an old high school buddy to live with me or something. Else, I'll become a barista. At Starbucks. It's actually not the worst possible job, contrary to my mother's belief. Besides,
I love Starbucks. I'll start writing. I'll put stuff online. I'll contact publishers. I'll make it work, one way or another. And when I get married, it'll be to someone who I am truly and deeply in love with. And I want six children. Yes, six. Twins and then just one and then triplets. And a dog. A little white puppy named Sparky Pepper. Yeah, it's going to be tough. Yeah, I won't have the most expensive lifestyle. Yeah, I probably won't be able to afford a Mulberry handbag anytime soon. I've made peace with that. Everyone thinks I'm a delusional little girl with the notion that life is easy and everything will go my way, but I'm not. I know it's going to be an uphill battle. I know I'll have to sacrifice an awful lot. But I'll be happy, and that's what matters to me the most.
 
Now if I could just explain this to every adult that asks me what I want to do with my life, everything would be dandy.
 
What about you? Are you one of those people with 'sensible' goals, or a dreamer like me?
 
Well, I have a shitload of stuff to do, and I'm procrastinating big time, so I'll write you later.

Peace Love   Meow ,

Kitty xxxx